Rules for New Parents

Never wake a sleeping baby.
You can’t make a happy baby happier.
Change dirty diapers. Let wet ones be.
Air-dry your nipples or they’ll be sore.

You can’t make a happy baby happier.
A pacifier turns a crier dumb.
Air-dry your nipples or they’ll be sore.
You can’t take away a thumb.

A pacifier turns a crier dumb.
Never prop a bottle.
You can’t take away a thumb.
Resist the urge to throttle.

Never prop a bottle,
even at three a.m.
Resist the urge to throttle
your husband, all tucked in.

Even at three a.m.,
change dirty diapers. Let wet ones be.
As for your husband, all tucked in . . .
Never wake a sleeping baby.