Who Says Moms Don’t Read?
Welcome to “Mama Sez,” a new column written by the editors of Literary Mama. We don’t have a central editorial office; in fact, the editors are scattered all over the world. But that doesn’t stop us from talking and emailing and getting together when we can to discuss the world of mama writing. This column is one way for you to eavesdrop on our conversations and add your own voice to the mix.
Most of the editors here are also writers, pitching our own books and articles and stories to other publications and publishers. And we’ve met with some great successes. But the road to publication is paved with many rejections, and the one refrain we hear over and over is that “Moms don’t read.” According to the publishing fat cats, we’re too busy, we’re too tired, we’re too distracted. The books on our shelves are nothing more than dusty artifacts of life before baby. And when we do read, it’s a glossy magazine article about hoochie mama diaper bags or yet another way to lose those post-pregnancy pounds. Our brains are simply too exhausted to read anything else.
We beg to differ.
Every month, tens of thousands of people — mostly moms, we bet — read Literary Mama. Our books about motherhood are selling quite well, thank you very much. And at bookstore readings and Mother Talk events around the country, we’ve been amazed at how many moms show up to listen, talk, laugh and even cry just a little bit.
I admit, since I became a mom my reading habits have changed. My old two-novels-a-month routine is out the window, although my book club keeps me reading at least one every month. And I do read some parenting magazines and advice books. But I also read a lot of books and blogs written by other moms. The isolation of motherhood — and the abject terror of not knowing what the hell I’m doing half the time — makes me long to hear the experiences of other mothers. Does anyone else fantasize about getting in the car and just driving away? Am I the only one who is besotted with her child, and yet wears the role of mother like an itchy wool sweater? Why do I feel so invisible all the time?
Literary Mama was born of the desire to read about motherhood. We’re a resourceful bunch, so when we couldn’t find what we wanted to read in the bookstore, we decided to write it ourselves. And it’s been incredibly gratifying. But now it’s time to take it to the next level by involving our readers a whole lot more.
As the new Columns Editor, my main goal is to redefine Literary Mama as less of a publication and more of a conversation. That’s an important distinction. We’re not interested in hearing only our own voices. We want to hear yours, too. So, starting with this column, we’re adding a Comments section and inviting you to respond. As new columns appear they will also include room for comments, plus the ability to email favorites to your friends. And we’ll add a lot more juicy goodness down the road.
So tell us. How have your reading habits changed since you became a mom? What do you like to read? What are you sick to death of reading? Please — join our conversation.
13 replies on “Who Says Moms Don’t Read?”
I’ve rediscovered poetry, my old love. As busy as I am as a mother/writer/full time librarian, I can graze in poetry books and journals, take small bites at a time.
Like you, Marjorie, my reading has changed, although as an English professor I still read a lot. But now, in addition to the blogs and columns and anthologies that being a mother has added to my list, I’ve turned into an avid reader of kids’ books. In fact, I changed academic specialties, from Victorian to children’s lit, after I spent an entire sabbatical year reading books for kids. I wanted to find good stuff to read to my own children, to rediscover the reading I’d loved as a child–the reading that had really led me indirectly to my career, after all–and to immerse myself in my children’s world as they grew out of being read aloud to, and began reading independently. That’s the reading that continues to energize and provoke me, to keep my coming back for more.
I’m sick to death of reading how moms don’t read, or really almost anything about parenting by non-parents and/or parenting experts.
I am an omnivore when it comes to reading. I read books in gluts — a spate of fiction, then a sustained burst of nonfiction. I’m also a big re-reader, even though, as my husband points out, I “already know how it ends.” And of course I’m a huge online reader. My recent reading list — fiction — includes Home Land, Early Bird, Indecision, and Beyond Black; the last nonfiction book I read was Mommy Mantras, which just came out and is wonderful. (And for someone who reads a ton of stuff on mothering, that’s saying something!)
This mama still reads. Truth is, I need soul-feeding literature more than ever since having kids. I’m always taking care of others; great books take care of ME. I don’t have time to waste on fluff and junk. If it’s not honest, beautiful–even raw–writing, I can’t be bothered. Mother-lit classics like Mother Shock and Dispatches from a Not-So-Perfect Life, plus Brain, Child magazine, have all been life-savers. I crave plain old great literature, too, regardless of whether it touches upon parenthood–though I’m even more drawn to women’s voices these days, like Ann Patchett, Barbara Kingsolver, Annie Dillard, Jane Hamilton. I get sucked in periodically by the promises of parenting books like The 7 O’Clock Bedtime. And, though some authors have written brilliantly on the subject, I’m starting to feel worn out by the “Mommy Wars.”
Since I became a mom, I read more like a kid. By that I don’t mean that I read kid’s books (although I do), I mean I read like my 8 year-old self, who kept a book in every room and snuck a chapter of Little House in the Prairie while I was putting on my socks. These days I have New Yorkers scattered throughout the house so that whenever there’s a spare moment (in the bathroom, while my preschooler’s watching a show, or while the baby’s nursing) I can pick one up and read a few more paragraphs. And of course there’s a pile of different books on my nightstand, so depending on how tired I am when I hit the sheets, I can read make some headway on one of them (in the mix right now: Michael Pollan’s The Omnivore’s Dilemma; Christopher Webber’s Beyond Beowulf; Janet Theophano’s Eat My Words: Reading Women’s Lives Through the Cookbooks They Wrote; and Christina Baker Kline’s Child of Mine.)
I love the idea of making Literary Mama more of a conversation, so in my enthusiasm, I’ll join in. Before becoming a mother, I read a few novels a month. Now, less is more. I read fewer numbers of books, but I am much more choosy about what I do read. My time feels more precious now, and I have little patience for a book that doesn’t grab me in the first few pages. Once, I would have waited it out. Post-birth: it’s gotta be good, or I won’t bother.
When my agent was shopping around my book “Toddler” several of the big publishing houses said, “great concept but we’re not convinced that the parents of toddlers have time to read.” Whenever I tell anyone that, they laugh. I think there is some truth to it (is that why people laugh?) but I also know that if you like to read before you have kids, you’ll read once they are born. Right now I’m reading Peter Abraham’s “Cry Freedom: Memories of Africa,” and I just finished rereading Jane Austen’s “Mansfield Park.” I often tell my kids (ages 6,5, and 2) stories (simplified and age appropriate) from the book I’m reading. I end on an exciting point. That makes them want me to keep reading so they can find out what happens next.
When I was a new mother, I felt so alone and there were just so few books that talked honestly about the mothering experience. It is actually what drew me to reading (and then writing) ‘mom blogs’. It seems so odd to me that publishers don’t see an experience impacting 85% of us, as something women might like reading about. I guess we are only supposed to be interested in reading about catching a man and shopping. Pity.
I am SO TIRED of reading the same articles over and over again in the glossy parenting magazines. What I *really* want to read seems to be so hard to find these days – writing by other mothers, about the true experience of motherhood!
I am blessed to be a “grand” mama at this point in my life, and that is influencing what I’m reading: children’s books! I have always loved books, but as my own sons grew and my students were teenagers, I drifted away from the genre for some years (though I did sometimes use children’s books to illustrate writing techniques to my English and writing classes).
Now, I’m perusing stores and Amazon, searching for books recommended by friends or mentioned by Libby Gruener in her Children’s Lit Book column. I love P.K. Hallinan’s board books, especially My Sister and I (I have two granddaughters and one sister.) Also, Counting Kisses by Karen Katz and Barnyard Dance by Sandra Boynton. What fun!
I’ve always been a big reader; my thirteen years of motherhood have just deepened that for me. And I find I am endlessly interested in the parenting experience, so books about mothering are SOME of the things I like reading. I’m currently deep into Michael Pollan’s new book “The Omnivore’s Dilemma,” which has nothing — directly — to do with mothering. Though of course it does, because it’s about food, and life. (Great book, btw.) And I’m also reading the new John Welwood book.
Because I’ve always been a big reader, my daughter learned to love reading at an early age. Reading (thinking, enjoying, learning from books) is a big part of my life. So is my family. And often they intersect. Blissfully so. Except that I’ve had to read ALL of the Harry Potter books OUT LOUD to my daughter (and husband) and have promised to do the same for the last one, even if my daughter is fifteen when it comes out. (Ah, family tradition.)
My kids call me a geek, because I’m always reading something — whether it’s a book, a blog, or a magazine. True it is harder to find time to read with babies, but it’s also easy to read anywhere, anytime. I never leave home without a book in my purse. That way, whenever I have to wait (like in the doctor’s office or at soccer practice) I polish off a chapter or two. When my kids were younger, I did a lot of my reading in the bathroom!
Since becoming a parent, I have to say that reading has become more necessary than ever. I still complain that I don’t get enough time to read, but my comitment to reading has only strengthened.
During the first few anxiety ridden months of parenting a newborn, reading parenting books soothed me, as I read even when I should have been napping. And now almost a full year into the swing of mothering, I happily dip back and forth between parenting books and the whole other wide world of literature. The former helps deepen my parenting skills, the latter allows me a necessary escape from the 24-7 of mothering.
As I write, and read other mothers comments, it strikes me that our reading habits really reflect the increasing complexity and delicate balance that we strive for in areas far beyond reading.