planning

at 35 dawn rose
on my biological clock
shadow cast aside, a plan
roused my center

past thick denial
burst a want beyond
the petty worries

a sense of line traveled
past body

his sperm, burnt before we met,
swam only in idea
ejaculate, sticky on my leg
embodied nothing of future
empty clod of white protein
held the hair flat
against wet vulva

he warned me of a
someday when my
nature might awaken
and long to lullaby

I swore I’d never leave
not knowing then what
I do now, yet somehow
knowing none-the-less
that despite wish’s rise
and fall, trust’s steady
stream connects past
corporeal concern

freedom to consummate
day or night, staved-off
that need to nurture

now, someone else’s seed
planted deep inside
thumps against our future

this genetic pact connects
with his in spirit