Daughters

we met two days after her birthday
we planned it all for her
remembering what we had promised
carefully sitting around the table

we ate Lebanese eggs
sipped from dark pools of French coffee
we discussed the details dispassionately
we felt we were sophisticated

calculating the number and kinds of pills she might need
if we should make an extra key to check on her progress
whether she might be lucid at the right time
when she needed it most

(only yesterday those vague eyes
rose up to briefly meet mine, and then let go)

we agreed no blame would be placed
we were very careful with each other
it had been a long time since we all had been together
we did not wish it to be a reunion of regret

I pushed the eggs around on my plate
listening to the little clinks of my fork
allowing bits of yolk to scatter
then secretly collecting them back again