Writing Prompt: Prophecy

Heidi Reimer is the author of this month’s essay, Prophecy. She writes about her unusual journey into motherhood, and lays bare her inner conflict around what it means to become a mother:

I feel relief, hope, permission in the acknowledgment of another way to be a mother. I begin to see that my anxiety stems not from motherhood itself but from the baggage I carry around it. The gospel of motherhood as woman’s holy duty, the fear of losing my dreams and independence: is this the truth about motherhood, or is it only one construction? I begin to hope, as early-pregnancy fatigue slays me, that the martyr mother I’ve dreaded becoming is not the mother I have to be. I begin to hope, as I feed and clothe and play with Maia, that I might find my own model of what a mother can be. That it will not mean giving up myself, and might mean discovering deeper parts of myself.

Have you ever struggled with a sense of ambivalence during your journey towards motherhood? How have you reconciled your own inner conflict around what motherhood means for you, or are you yet to get there?