Unsent letter to my son’s birthmother on his birthday

Is he the donkey
you pin in your mind—
a boy with your lover’s eyes
gifted dimples in his cheeks
where you last kissed him—
a buoy you circle
but can’t quite touch

Or am I the only one
who pictures him in another’s
ballooning photo album
his smile bright with frosting
surrounded by strangers
laughing at their good fortune
blowing smoke in my eyes