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Heartsong

Retired Columns

From “Life in the Sandwich” to “Special Needs Mama” to “Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance”—they’re all here for you to explore.

Joy

You breathe it in, but you want to hold your breath. There’s always an edge to joy. It doesn’t last. He trips over the garden hose. The seatbelt digs into…

Heartsong | June 2017 | By Kate Ristau


The Sink

I sat down on the side of his bed. He was pale, no – white. The color completely drained from his face. Eyes shut; tube taped over his mouth. I…

Heartsong | May 2017 | By Kate Ristau


What Love Is

The day before Rowan’s open-heart surgery, when they drew his blood, I held him on my lap. I talked him through the pain. I focused on the process, on what…

Heartsong | April 2017 | By Kate Ristau


Be Mine

We can’t fix Rowan’s heart—that’s the surgeon’s job. It took me a long time to accept that. I wish I could be in control, or that I could make it…

Heartsong | February 2017 | By Kate Ristau


She Waited for Me

These last few months, we thought we had a chance. While Rowan’s heart has been enlarging, tissue has also been gathering around the hole, increasing the possibility that it might…

Heartsong | January 2017 | By Kate Ristau


Well, there’s death

There’s a reason we don’t talk directly about death. There’s a reason we codify our rituals and create a language of loss: Because when we stand in the face of…

Heartsong | December 2016 | By Kate Ristau


On Hold

You wait until Kindergarten. You hold out hope that his heart will heal until the hope is gone and one hole remains. The blood stretches out his heart, enlarging the…

Heartsong | November 2016 | By Kate Ristau


The Problem with Unicorns

These stories are easy, and they’re fun. Dancing, twirling—Spirit dusts every scene with unicorn sparkles, and Rowan listens with glossy eyes. Spirit makes sense to him because he loves magical…

Heartsong | October 2016 | By Kate Ristau


Astronomy

I just want this to be over. I want it to be six months from now. I want my son playing with stickers that weren’t just ripped off his chest,…

Heartsong | September 2016 | By Kate Ristau


Heartsong

This is where we are now—telling Rowan the stories that will help him make it to the other side of the hospital bed. These stories are not easy. This column,…

Heartsong | June 2016 | By Kate Ristau


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