Elegy

At the old house
you planted an apple tree
and watered it with calculus
 
we fed it the bones of our hamster
packed the earth around its roots
with our best years
 
season after season
only blossoms grew
never an apple.
 
Now that you are gone
 
I imagine you 
pushing the shovel into the dirt
tendering it scoop by scoop
 
did you know then
it would not give fruit 
alone?
 
Or were you surprised
by how beautiful it was
barren.