Down Will Come Baby

I can’t bear to imagine an encounter between my father and my son. I don’t think my kids would be in any danger in the public setting of the wedding.…

From day one, Gus was independent. He had no problems at night with Gina. Yes, he cried, but she was able to calm him as well as I. Rather than…

2003 (Gus): Gus’ first days home after the NICU were lovely. We were so happy to have him all to ourselves. He had such a strong personality already! When he…

Could it be that after Simon’s birth I was fighting too hard, like a drowning woman flailing around and only sinking deeper? Or was I learning to ride the current…

“Why am I meeting my brother at the hospital?” Simon looked radiant sitting in his carseat. His curls zigged wildly around his head. “Do you mean why isn’t he at…

I wake up in the morning. I’m sore and in need of Vicodin, but I feel rested. Nina, my doula, let me sleep in since my last pumping shift. It’s…

“Hello?” Stephanie, my therapist, answers her phone. “It’s Rebecca.” “Rebecca, what is it? Is everything all right?” I can’t speak. If I speak, I’ll tell her what happened and if…

Nina, my doula, puts her face close to mine. She speaks slowly. “Look. In these situations, the pediatric surgeon will come back with a report. I’m not too worried yet.…

It’s two in the morning, and I’m 38 weeks pregnant. I wake to use the bathroom and my stomach is upset. I wander downstairs, one hand on the railing and…

Things were looking up. The combination of exercise, therapy, antidepressants, and writing was making my life feel something like…well, a life. Jack and I were having fun, growing closer for…

I had made it out of my depression alive. I had survived by taking control of my life the way my father, who suffered from severe mental illness, never had.…