Down Will Come Baby

I couldn’t decide what to wear. It was the first time since the accident that I cared about what I put on. My cool flare jeans and new orange sandals?…

“It’s your decision.” That was all Jack would say whenever I mentioned antidepressants. His answer had never bothered me until now. Why wouldn’t he give me his opinion? Now I…

I sat in a paper gown on the examining table of Dr. Washington’s office. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say to her. I had chosen her because she…

“Mommmmmmmieeeeeeeee!” Simon wailed, his red face popping over the preschool fence as his teacher held him up to wave goodbye. It felt like I was living in a cliché: “Your…

A friend of mine called me a “new-mom slut.” She was joking and it was kind of funny, but still, I felt a bit desperate. After my big conversation with…

One night, a few months into therapy, I sat in the living room, waiting for Jack to come home. He was out for a drink with his work friends. It…

I pressed the buzzer of my therapist’s building, a small Victorian in downtown Berkeley. I hadn’t been to see her in four years. I felt like a wind-up toy just…

It seemed as if things were looking up. I often told myself that, and repeated it to others. Soon after my weekend away, Jack and I decided we needed to…

It was like a dream. Exactly, in fact, like one of the many fantasies and dreams my sleep deprived brain had conjured up, dozing between night-time feedings. Except for one…

I looked down at Simon’s relaxed face. His little body melted into mine, surrendering to sleep. His rosy cheeks moved rhythmically as he softly sucked on his pacifier. I looked…

On the way home from Market Hall with some groceries, I trudged down Ocean View Drive just off of College Avenue. I couldn’t wait to get to our apartment. We…