Notes From Labor of Love: Holly Rizzuto Palker
I was excited when Amanda Jaros asked for anthology essay submissions from the staff. I knew I wanted to write about my youngest daughter and our connection to spending time at our beach house. It was also nagging at me that I couldn’t part with a toy tent in our living room there, so I wanted to unpack my feelings about it. I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted to say, though, and the point of my essay was frustratingly fuzzy.
Perhaps this was because I had so many emotional attachments I wanted to explore: I was writing about my third child, all my children are getting older and need me less, and the lockdown with three kids (one being a kindergartner) was a draining and depressing time. Perhaps I was unable to face all of the emotions. Whatever the reason, my first essay submission lacked focus because it touched on all of these topics but wasn’t tied together, and, if I’m being honest, it also lacked vulnerability.
Sometimes when I draft essays, because they are emotional, I’ll write around the feelings, or I’ll write all of the feelings until I hone in on the point of vulnerability. It’s not the most efficient way to work, but it’s cathartic.
Regardless, something wasn’t clicking with the essay, and I didn’t know what else to do. I’d gotten feedback from my writing group, and the deadline for the anthology was approaching, so I submitted what I knew was an imperfect piece. I wasn’t shocked when Amanda rejected it, but I was a little embarrassed. I loved writing essays, and I’ve published some of which I’m very proud of, so it was upsetting to be rejected by Literary Mama. I had a pity party for myself, and then I allowed myself grace as both a mother and a writer and swallowed my pride.
Based on her feedback, I took Amanda up on her invitation to resubmit my work. That’s when I finally nailed down how I really felt. I needed someone else to help me uncover my direction because I was so close to the subject matter that I couldn’t see the path forward. I’m a mom, and I’m scared of what will happen when my kids no longer need me. I think a lot of moms can identify with that fear.
When I re-read the essay just now, the point seemed so clear. But in those early drafts, it was difficult for me to admit. Getting rejected first was the best thing that could’ve happened to “Hippo Tent” because being open to an editor’s feedback elicited a much better essay.
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Labor of Love: A Literary Mama Staff Anthology was released on January 26th, 2024. Edited by Amanda Jaros, this collaboration with Small Harbor Publishing celebrates Literary Mama‘s twenty years of publishing the best writing for and by mothers. We asked the contributors, all Literary Mama staffers from across the years, to share thoughts about their writing process, their inspiration, or their work in the book. We’ll share those musings here on the Literary Mama blog.
Read Holly’s essay by purchasing Labor of Love, now available on Amazon.